mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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