You smell like a Billy Joel song
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
