I accidentally had phone sex last night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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