And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
