Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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