My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
