I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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