worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
