my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So much Jack, so little girl.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
