benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
