Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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