the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
