I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
