So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
