chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you would pick up someone in the library
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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