Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize