if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
