She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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