Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize