even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
