I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
