Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
