You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
