The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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