you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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