Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
