Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
