I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
