Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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