I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
