You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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