It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
