all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
