remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
