That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
