I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
