But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I didn't shave. On purpose
I met the friendliest cop last night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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