No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
