home. puking in laundry basket.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
