Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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