I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
