Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
