Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
