I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
