I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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