its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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