he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
