he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize