There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
