she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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