I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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