It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
