i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
