I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
