I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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