He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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