Soap is not a condiment
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
