oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
