Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This baby is an asshole
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
