maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
