is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
