WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
